Hey, Im Thomas, 18 and a recent high school graduate. School and my faith never got along. Because of the small town I live in, we had a christian and public middle school, but only a public high school. When I was a grade eight student at that christian school, I lost faith. We had all gathered outside at recess, and one kid was being teased. I stood by with the other bystanders to witness what was happening. When I approached, I heard that my peers were mocking this student, on the fact he goes to church. I froze. At a Christian middle school, a kid was being verbally and physically abused for practicing Christianity. Suddenly the bullies looked at me to join in with an insult. I couldn’t speak. I just stood their not wanting to believe what was going on. I was terrified. As I stood in silence, the looks of my peers got more intense. Finally one said, well do you or do you not think going to church is stupid. I muttered yes, to keep them from tearing me apart. That was the day I hid my faith.
For the rest of grade eight until part way into grade ten, my faith was completely hidden. I stopped praying daily, I would make excuses to not go to church and youth group, I even hid my bible and crucifix under my mattress, like some explicit material, just in case friends showed up. I started to further myself from God, and the people that knew my religion. I built new friendships, and did stupid stuff.
The summer between nine and ten, I went to discovery camp, like every summer. It was that one week I could be Catholic Thomas, not the Thomas I wanted my friends to see. At the end, like all retreats we received a gift bag of prayers, pictures, rosaries, and crosses. That summer I received a small gold cross, on a gold chain. This cross now was my mask. When I wore it, I was myself. When I removed it I was hidden. I was a copy. I was something I wasn’t. At this time it was now November. Every morning I would walk to the front door of my school, remove my cross in fear of the bullying for being religious, and walked in.
That semester I had gym in the mornings. One day, while changing, my friend looked over at me and said, “Hey, I didn’t know you were catholic”. Flashbacks from grade eight shrouded me. I stood silent, trying to think of an excuse. I meant to say no, its my grandpas, or no Its my uncles, but instead yes came out. I flinched, knowing I had just opened myself up to the bullying that I witnessed at a christian school, and know at a public school I felt weaker than ever. “Cool”. All he said was cool. No insult, no laughter. Just Cool. For the last two years I had lived in fear over something that was “Cool”.
The rest of that school year I was still not positive in my faith. I would go to church on Sundays, but wouldn’t have any faith life the rest of the week. But that all changed. Heading into my fourth Discovery Camp, I was almost unsure of if I should be there. I was supposed to help the campers grow in faith, but I struggled with it just as much.
That week I saw miracles happen. I saw families come together, relationships between God, and friends grow, I saw people give it all to God. That summer I took my first real confession, as I gave it all up to Him. When I was strong in faith, good things happened. I became a last minute replacement for World youth day in Madrid, I witnessed the true power of God, and I solidified my faith. Ever since then I have been fearless in faith.
Last week, I had another Discovery Camp. Last week I realized the foundation of faith. It has taken me thousands of miles, countless hours and many ups and downs. I was supposed to give a talk on Faith being Gods invitation. After spending weeks prepping for my talk, minutes before I tossed my talk in the trash. I wrote. God was telling me the message to get across. Faith is an invitation. Faith needs Religion. Religion needs community. and My community, is my parish. Lifeteen, Salt and Light Retreats, TECs, and Discovery Camp are the community I need to be faithful. So yes sometimes it seems like you are going through this alone. Sometimes we feel no one else knows what it is like. Jesus had help, from carrying the cross, to spreading his word, through disciples. You are not alone, nor must you be alone. Find that community. It will bring a religious life, a faithful life, and a life in God.
-Thomas